


Fighting Fate Itself

by ILovDrama



Category: Bleach
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, BAMF Kurosaki Ichigo, Background Relationships, Everyone is Dead, Gen, I Tried, I do not own bleach, I'm Bad At Summaries, I'm Bad At Tagging, I'm Going to Hell, Ichigo has more quincy powers, Ichigo is actually smartish in this fic, Ichigo only gets paired with never-ending guilt/grief, Im too cruel to ichigo, Kinda OP Ichigo, Kuorsaki Ichigo is a Shiba, Kurosaki Ichigo Needs a Hug, Kurosaki Ichigo is a Shiba, Kurosaki Ichigo-centric, Little OOC Shiro, Manga Spoiler, Maybe - Freeform, Mild Gore, My First Fanfic, Not Kisuke level but he did learn a lot from his mentor, POV Kurosaki Ichigo, Post-Canon, Post-Thousand Year Blood War Arc, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Slow To Update, Swear Words, Temporary Character Death, Time Travel, Time Travel Fix-It, both aizen and yhwach are evil bastards, but it did level him up in strategy and planning, just go with the flow, no beta we die like men, oh well, oh yea forgot to mention, slightly not canon-compliant, who messed with my poor bby ichigo too much
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-10
Updated: 2020-02-25
Packaged: 2021-02-24 16:35:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 16,436
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21741049
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ILovDrama/pseuds/ILovDrama
Summary: For the first time in his entire life did Ichigo actually appreciate the rain. The raindrops hid his tears as he smiled into the sky, welcoming the oblivion that awaited him.Ichigo-centricMinor ParingsTime-Travel(If you want more info just read the tags)
Relationships: Abarai Renji/Kuchiki Rukia, Inoue Orihime/Ishida Uryuu, Shihouin Yoruichi/Urahara Kisuke
Comments: 25
Kudos: 228





	1. The End Leading To A New Beginning

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, so this is my first fanfic so there might be some grammar errors or other inconsistencies, feel free to tell me. I also would say that I may be slow to update because high school is a derogatory term for female dogs. I also use Japanese honorifics but I will include definitions of them in the after notes. (Know that I am by no means an expert so do please correct me if I am wrong) Lastly, because this is fanfiction, some things from the manga/anime will be tweaked so my story can flow better. If you have a problem with that then I suggest you go find another canonically correct fanfic to read. 
> 
> (Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach if I did I would animate the TYBW arc)

The smell of blood and smoke permeated the air. Crumbling buildings weakened as the rubble of the warzone started to tremble. After almost 14 years of unending carnage to not only the Seireitei but all of Soul Society. The clouds overhead have been painted blood red as smoke rose from the fires still burning on top of dead bodies, both enemies and allies. In the glimmer of the flames, one could make out an eye-catching orange. A color that had no place being in a place filled with such death and destruction. 

In a clearing, where all had been decimated within a 70-meter radius a shinigami lay. Upon closer inspection, one would see multiple cuts and gashes that were bordering the line of being fatal. Blue lines underneath pale skin could be seen on anything uncovered by his haori and shihakusho. The most striking aspect of the man was not his hair color but his eyes. Once amber eyes filled with warmth and innocence were now dead bloodshot orbs of brown. Eyes that told the tale of never-ending guilt and grief. Eyes that had a way of holding so much emotion but at the same time, none at all. The figure itself could be described as nothing but tired. As if the world that had once held itself on his shoulders had now left. Leaving nothing but a beaten, broken, and torn soul that had no reason to keep holding on to the feeble strands on life. 

Not that Ichigo could deny it. 

‘ _This is it’_ , he thought, ‘ _14 years of fighting, 14 years of pain and loss, 14 years of hiding and planning, all for this. Both Aizen and Yhwach may be dead but they didn’t go down alone._ ’ Glancing around the clearing, he could see the charred bodies of both friend and foe. Despite their differences in species and mentalities, they all died the same, in pure unadulterated agony. Their faces would forever be seared into the broken man’s mind. 

Closing his eyes, he let himself imagine the impossible, where all of his friends and family weren’t truly dead and that at any second would walk up to him. Uryu would push up his glasses and insult his Blut Vene, mumbling in exasperation on how they were related. Orihime would come up beside the Quincy and heal the orange-haired shinigami’s staunch wounds and babble on about a new recipe she created with salmon and jelly. Chad would just stand there as silent as always but the expression on his face would be one of relief, that they were all still in one piece and that he would get to fight alongside his best friend again. Rukia and Renji would be teasing him on how horrible his Kido was and how he was ruining the title of Soutaicho. The war-hero would just brush off the insults and retort with one of his own.

After Ichigo would be able to move they would go to his house in Karakura and they would all eat a meal from Yuzu. Joking around and celebrating their victory, they would just enjoy each other’s company. Goat-Face would of course butt himself into the conversation and wildly exclaim of his escapades in his youth. Then trying to surprise attack him, which hasn’t worked since he was 9, and whimper pathetically on the ground when he was given a savage kick to the face. Goat-Chin would make a scene as he cried to his giant poster of Masaki until Karin would cuff the back of the idiot’s head and mumble a few colorful phrases that she most likely learned from her brother. Yuzu would then berate the three of them, threatening them with no dessert if they continued their antics. Laughing, they would all put this dark chapter of their lives behind them and enjoy the peace after war. 

But then Ichigo opened his eyes and all he would see were charred corpses and the rotting bodies of quincies, hollows, and shinigami. In life, they may have been on different sides but in death, their souls all faded into nothing, never to be reincarnated or become a soul. The irony brought a small smile to the man as he chuckled, which caused a bout of racketing coughs. 

‘ _I guess this is the end, no afterlife just nothingness._ ’, surprisingly the thought put Ichigo at peace. ‘ Maybe _, I can finally stop feeling so tired and numb. Maybe the constant ache in my soul will finally recede, even if just by a tiny bit._ ’ The war-hero winced a second after. ‘ _No_ ’, he thought, ‘ _I can never let this guilt go, I deserve it after all. With all I’ve done, I should be receiving much more than this. Nothing could make up for the crimes I’ve committed. My soul deserves this never-ending pain and loss. I couldn’t save any of them in the end. Not a single soul. Not. A. SINGLE. SOUL!_ ’

**‘AIBOU STOP!’** , a dual-toned warble yelled in his mindscape, **‘Both Ossan and I have been listening to your self-deprecating whining for the last whatever minutes and it is** **_NOT TRUE_ ** **! How many times do I have to beat it in your goddamn skull that you’ve done more for them than they** **_ever_ ** **deserved. You’ve destroyed your inner world, subjecting yourself to things that people never experience for** **_LIFETIMES_ ** **! Unless you get your shit together I’m taking over your goddamn body and** **_NEVER_ ** **giving it back!’**

‘ _Go ahead Zangetsu._ ’, the war-hardened man replied wearily, shocking his zanpakuto spirit. ‘ _We both know that you couldn’t do anything worse to me that I haven’t already suffered.’_ Shiro didn’t want to admit it but he was right, his Aibou had suffered too much to be affected by his half-hearted taunts anymore. 

‘ _Ichigo. I always tried to shield you away from the path of a shinigami. Thinking that if I just gave you enough power to survive then you would eventually lose interest and live out your human life. I always thought that you would be happier that way. Then you proved me wrong, you fought anyway and from that moment I knew. Like the tide, you cannot stop it from crashing amongst the shore. I knew could not shelter you anymore. So I told you the truth much too late and because of my error, you have become this. Do not blame yourself Ichigo, if anyone is to blame, it would be me. You can curse me to hell and back and that would be ok but please Ichigo. Do not blame yourself for my failures._ ’

It was the most Ossan has spoken in the last 6 years of this cursed war and his words seared his heart like the acid of the Vasto Lorde hollows he’d fight day-in and day-out. ‘ _No, Ossan please, you are not the one to blame. Don’t go on saying that you could have taught me better! It was my bull-headed actions that got us into this shit. That made us lose hundreds on the battlefield. That caused unimaginable grief onto my comrades. That trapped us in that- in that-_ ’, Ichigo faltered for a split-second, pain and fear flashed in his eyes before being replaced by resolve and grim determination. ‘ _That place… Where we were beaten and experimented on. I still don’t know to this day why you both still stay with me. No, before you start, I am fully aware of the fact that we share the same soul but… why did you have to be paired with a ruined soul such a mine._ ’ 

The silence after his internal speech resounded across the clearing. Wind blowing through his hair and the rubble at his feet. 

**‘Listen here you little shi-’** , the hollow was cut mid-thought as the world trembled. Buildings that were only standing by sticks collapsed and dust and ash flew into the already smoky air. Ichigo sat up, looking at his surroundings and fled. He didn’t know where he could go. There was nowhere left to hide as all the four realms were about to collide and mark the end of all things. So he decided to go to the one place he felt his soul could rest in peace at. 

Shunpoing across the war-torn terrain, Ichigo scanned the area searching for the one patch of land that was not affected by the battles fought around it. ‘ _It’s still here._ ’, he thought as he spotted it. It was more than just a patch of land underneath a crumbling building. This was the last place he saw all of his family and friends alive. 

**_*Flashback*_ **

It was after a raid onto the Quincy base encampment near Sakahone in the Eastern Rukongai, back when the second war was just beginning. When the Seireitei was still standing strong. Occupying most of the souls who were living in the Rukongai before. (Later they regretted putting all those souls in one place) They were successful in destroying the Quincy’s base of operations and were celebrating together. Someone was able to convince Shiro to cook again, which may or may not have included the puppy-dog eyes from both Yuzu and Karin. (Thinking of their names, even after all these years, still sent one of Toshiro’s ice lances through Ichigo’s grief-stricken heart.) 

When Ossan… left, and Ichigo would get severely injured on solo missions Shiro would have to step in to make sure Ichigo wouldn’t starve himself. If not from his injuries but from the extreme guilt that always hung in Ichigo’s heart every time a comrade died on his watch. After Ichigo began to make that a common practice, Shiro had to step in again and again. (Ichigo would forever be grateful that Shiro never once teased the orange-haired man for his weakness in front of the spirit. He would taunt him at times but Ichigo was always able to see through the hollow’s facade. His zanpakuto only did it to try to make Ichigo feel something other than his crippling loneliness and regret.)

When Shiro was finished cooking they all gathered and sat together on the grass outside. Ichigo would always remember that it was such a sunny day that morning. Hiyori started insulting Shinji as usual and of course, Shinji replied in kind. Their squabbling continued until one of them knocked down one of the pots filled with stew. 

Even Hiyori fled whenever Shiro gained a psychotic grin and chased after the two, swearing that their deaths would be long and painful. It may not be common knowledge but Shiro prided in his cooking. Because even though the spirit would never admit it, Shiro enjoyed having something that put smiles on people’s faces and not looks of fear and horror. (However, he still enjoyed faces full of pain and agony because the hollow would forever be a sadistic little shit) So when anyone but Ichigo and his sisters knock down one of his dishes, unholy amounts of agony awaited them.

It took the combined effort from Yuzu and Karin to calm the hollow. Saying soothing things such as, “Don’t worry I’m sure that if we work together we can make the stew again in no time flat.” and “Yeah and we can stage a little ‘ _accident_ ’ involving them later.” Shiro grinned down at them devilishly at the second comment which most likely came from Karin. 

Shiro and Yuzu went back into the kitchen and not 15 minutes later, came out with another cauldron of stew. After placing the pot down on the grass, the spirit and Karin started scheming something evil in the corner. Shinji was already sweating and despite her rough exterior, Hiyori was feeling the same. Everyone knew that when Karin and Shiro teamed up, it always ended in pure havoc and chaos. Renji and the others were already starting to place bets on when the two Visord’s punishment will come. 

The rest of the picnic went by in a flash and soon, it was dusk. With the sun slowly sinking below the horizon, they packed up their belongings and went back inside. It wasn’t until midnight exact, (Ichigo knew this because he never was able to sleep much due to the horrifying nightmares that plagued him throughout the night) that they heard both Hiyori’s and Shinji’s high pitched screams echoing through their encampment. He later heard a victory shout from both Ikkaku’s and Shunsui’s rooms and defeated groans throughout the building. With the occasional sound of crying from Isshin’s and Getaboshi’s rooms. 

It was one of Ichigo’s favorite memories. The day after was one of his worst. 

The Quincies decided to stage their counterattack as a hit-and-run when they least expected it. Raining several dozens of arrows upon their heads they made sure to cause an unavoidable distraction while some of their soldiers went into the base encampment and killed all the injured. It was that day that they learned to never all fight as one. Easier to slip past the cracks that way. It was the first time Ichigo lost close friends to the hands of the enemy. 

It was raining the next day when they buried Yumichika and Chad. Which they would soon regret. (Giselle always had a knack for finding dead bodies)

For the next few weeks after the ambush, they all fought like hell. Slaughtering all enemies in their way. Ichigo was the worst of them. He went without food, water or rest for weeks on end. It wasn’t until Shiro took control of his body and forced himself to be trapped in multiple kido barriers, courtesy of Hachi and Tessai, and pulled him into unconsciousness that he finally slept. 

It would be the most amount of sleep he would get at once in a long, long time. 

**_*End Flashback*_ **

Ichigo silently grieved at the memory, feeling an old wound being opened again. The hybrid moved towards the last standing building and sat on the dead grass. Another earthquake shook the world as the end grew closer and closer. 

Ichigo his breath hitched as he laid down, starting to feel all the injuries that were ignored by adrenaline earlier. He looked up at the blood-red sky that had begun to drizzle and thought, ‘ _At least it is better than the pouring rain.’_ Settling into the decaying foliage around him he thought about how he had gotten to this point. All he could remember was his failure. 

Failing to save his mother at 9, failing to shield his friends from the spiritual world, failing to follow instructions which caused mass losses on their side later, and the sin that would forever carve itself to him and his name. Failing to be the protector his mother always wanted him to be. 

“ _I don’t deserve the name you gave me._ ”, the orange-haired shinigami spoke aloud for the very first time in months. (If you didn’t count his screams as words) “ _I only leave pain and destruction for those around me. If you were here I know you would have been disappointed in everything I’ve done. I tried so hard but, I’m also oh so tired. Tired of being the one always depended upon, tired of the nightmares and memories that haunt my every waking moment, tired of having to carry the world’s burdens on my shoulders_ ** _alone_** _. I_ **HATE** _MYSELF BECAUSE OF THIS! I_ **DESERVE** _THIS! I DID THIS!_ **I DID THIS!** _I practically murdered them all_ ** _with_** **_my own hands_** _. It’s not like my hands aren’t already soaked in blood. But know this, if I had a chance to change this. To change this twisted future, I would take it. I don’t care if I would have to eviscerate my own soul to do it. It would probably be an easier fate than this torturous existence. Of being the last one standing. I hope wherever you are, it is a better place than this. You don’t deserve to suffer for my mistakes. Goodbye Okaasan._ ” 

While he was speaking it had begun to pour, thunder booming as lightning ricocheted across the clouds. For the first time in his entire life did Ichigo appreciate the rain. The raindrops hid his tears as he smiled into the sky, welcoming the oblivion that awaited him. 

In the hybrid’s inner world his zanpakuto spirits watched on silently until they materialized beside their wielder in his final moments. (Linking their hands together as if to say that they came into this world together, so they would leave in the same fashion.) They too were grateful for the rain.


	2. Illusion or Reality?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I forgot to mention that Fukutaicho means Lieutenant last time... oh well. Anyway, it seems I can't stop writing so here's another chapter. Please comment on any mistakes I may have made, I don't have a beta reader so I can't catch every mistake. Hopefully, Kaien seems not too OOC. Side note Ichigo looks like Dangai Ichigo but with more scars and dead eyes.

It was a sunny morning, perfect weather for a stroll in Kaien’s opinion. He took his usual route and walked along the freshwater stream leading from the manor into the forest. Sunlight glinting off the slight waves in the river, he admired the sight around him. This was one of his favorite places to be, away from the paperwork his Captain and Clan piled him with. Away from the responsibilities of being an older brother, Clan Head, and new Fukutaicho of the 13th. Away from reality itself. It was a guilty pleasure so his visits were few and far between. As Kaien marveled at the forest’s flora and fauna, he noticed something that was never there before. 

After visiting this place every so often, Kaien knew that even if the forest was hit by the pelting rain, chilling frost, or forceful wind, the woods would stay the same. It was part of the reason Kaien was so fond of it. Which is why when he spotted a shrub of bright orange near the trunk of a tree nearby, Kaien immediately went to investigate.

Nearing the spruce tree, Kaien noticed it was not a shrub but hair. Which was then connected to a head and a body. The fukutaicho nearly jumped out of his skin when he’d noticed. Upon closer inspection, the Shiba noticed that the stranger was fast-asleep, or at least that’s what he thought at first. Until he noticed the still-bleeding fatal wounds that were slowly leeching the boy’s reiryoku. 

In a flash, the kind-hearted Clan Head quickly brought the boy, who looked no older than 17, bridal style back to the manor. Not even noticing the startling resemblance the two carried.

***

When Ichigo was finally roused into consciousness, he noticed that he was comfortably placed into a soft bed with cushions and blankets surrounding him. The man’s half-awake brain relished in the warmth, having not slept in a proper bed in years. (It may be a desert in Hueco Mundo, but its sands were always freezing.) A split-second later, Ichigo’s rationality reconnected and went into a panic. 

Jumping out of the tempting futon, he scanned the room for Zangetsu. Relief flooded his face even though to an outsider he kept his grim expression. His eyes are the only tell. He shunpoed across the room, grabbing his swords that glowed in gratitude. Like Ichigo, they didn’t like being separated. 14 years of hardships and oppression do that to a shinigami. After, the hybrid took a better look around while still tensed for threats. 

However, there were none. He was in a blank room with little furniture and styled after feudal Japan. Polished wood across the floor with open windows that showed the garden his captors had flourished. Favoring an open terrain, Ichigo threw himself out the window and landed gracefully. 

The garden itself was truly a sight to see. All assortments of flowers, some he had never seen before, were gathered in an array of beautiful colors. It was something you would see out of a picture book. There were daffodils, tulips, lilies, daisies, and orchids surrounded him. ‘ _ Is this the afterlife? _ ’, was the hybrid’s first thought but he soon dispelled it because he knew what the afterlife was like, and it was no fantasy like this. But it didn’t solve the fact that he was in a place that was untarnished by war and bloodshed. The garden was thriving as if it didn’t ever experience the droughts and fires that destroyed most of the land in Soul Society and the Living World. 

‘ _ Do not let yourself be illusioned Ichigo. This could be a trick from Kyoka Suigetsu. I know that we killed him long ago but it is the only possible reason for this. You’ve felt how realistic that Arsch’s illusions could be. I’ve taught you better than to let your guard down in an unfamiliar situation. _ ’, Ossan reverberated in his mindscape. Ignoring the choice word his spirit used to describe the megalomaniac, Ichigo kept up his guard. The white-knuckled grip on his khyber blade not relenting. 

One of the best ways to sense if there was an illusion was to test the reiastu around him. When you fight an enemy for so long, their reiatsu becomes imprinted upon one’s mind forever. Before, figuring out if it was an illusion was the problem. (Something he learned how to do after being tricked into killing his own comrade, Kami did that memory chip at his already broken heart. Physical wounds could never compare to the ones in his mind.) Now, it was figuring out where the bastard was. Once Aizen realized that the orange-haired shinigami could figure out if the illusion was real or not, he learned to spread out his reiatsu out thin so Ichigo couldn’t pinpoint a location. It goes without saying that after so much practice in this, his reikaku skills rose drastically. 

Reaching his reiatsu out, the hybrid nearly had a heart attack. ‘ _ I’m in Soul Society. _ ’, the war-hardened man blinked away the shock, ‘ _ This can’t be, Soul Society never looked like this even when I first visited.  _ (More like invaded)  _ I can’t sense even a bare strand of the Hogyoku's reiryoku. Could it be that he finally learned a way to block my sensing ability? _ ’

Ichigo began to feel his breath quicken as memories of the past resurfaced.  **_theylockedmeintoaroom,someonepleasehelpIcan’tTAKEIT. ipromisei’llbegoodjustpleaseletmesavethem. Nonononononononotheycan’tbegone. YOUKILLEDTHEM, HOWCOULDYOU! i’msorry,i’msorry,i’msorry,i’msorry. Whatwasmynameagain? It’sbeensomanyyears. ithink,ithinkitwas-_ **

‘ _ ICHIGO, FOCUS! Your panic is blinding your senses. Don’t bury yourself in memories of things far past. Or have you already forgotten our resolve? Retreat and you will age- _ ’, ‘ _ Hesitate and I will die. I know Ossan, I just lost myself for a moment, I'll try to focus better this time. _ ’ Cramming all the dark thoughts to the corner of his mind to deal with later, (Preferably in a soundproof room where he can scream and pull out his hair as the pain was the only thing that could ground him when he had another pathetic mental breakdown.) Ichigo decided to also explore the area to get an idea of where he was. 

Cautiously making his way through the flowers, the orange-haired shinigami stretched his reiatsu out again with a more stable and precise mind. The shock earlier made him entirely forget how to use reikaku correctly. Pure black tendrils reached out and slinked through the air, as if they were searching for something, then suddenly stopped. Bloodshot eyes flew open and yet again Ichigo was too shocked to speak. He could feel their reiatsu, the reiatsu of his comrades. Shinji, Kisuke, Yoruichi, Shunsui, Ukitake, Byakuya, all of them. He could even sense Yamamoto’s impressive reiatsu. The surprise and disbelief he felt melted away a second later.

  
  


‘ _ It’s him, he is alive but-, but it can’t be true. I killed him- _ ’,  **‘We did more than kill him Aibou. Mutilate and eviscerate is more accurate. And I would be more than glad to do even worse a second time if he somehow survived the first.’** , his hollow interrupted. ‘ _ But I made sure he couldn’t be revived, I used a Gran Rey Cero on his corpse then- then I-, Shiro I saw his  _ brain matter .  _ Kisuke then sealed the Hogykou, there is just no way he could have survived that. _ ’, the hybrid retorted back to the spirit. ‘ _ Stop. The technicalities here aren’t important. We are still within a compound captured, Ichigo. You need to figure out whether or not the capturer is a friend or foe because they obviously are not Aizen. His reiatsu isn't even nearby. Escape should be the top priority. _ ’, Ossan scolded. 

Deciding to leave the matter for another time, the man was about to head towards a side gate that led outside, (The no-longer substitute shinigami already made a list of possible escape routes on the way in. He wasn’t a greenhorn after all.) until he heard a gasp behind him. While processing the information that was too much at once he failed to notice the small spark of reiryoku coming around the corner. 

Internally berating himself for his mistake, while Shiro laughed his ass off at his demise, the hybrid turned around. Swords in hand and poised to slit the soul’s throat, he glared at his maybe-enemy. That was until he got a good look at the man’s face. Like his inner hollow, the man was almost identical in looks but this time the only things that were off-color were his eyes and hair. Dark raven spiked locks with startling aquamarine eyes that were currently staring at his own in shock. Bringing his sword back down to his waist, to Shiro’s discontent, Ichigo stared back. 

The shinigami (Once Ichigo looked at his clothes he recognized the shihakusho immediately) took a step back then nervously coughed into his hand and began to speak. "Um, hello. Nice to finally meet you, total stranger. I see you found oka-san’s garden. All the flowers are blooming this time of year and it’s truly a sight to see.", the shinigami faced the garden a light smile on his face. "My favorite was always the waterlilies, though snowdrops have always been a close second." 

Turning back to the orange-haired man he continued, "I know this is a shock and all. Waking up in a random bed, in a random house, and then listening to a stranger ramble on about flowers. So let’s head inside in a better setting, then I can fill you in.", suddenly the raven-haired man’s expression morphed from open happiness to a warning glare, "And after maybe you can enlighten me as to why you are wearing the Soutaicho’s haori." 

His captor suddenly wiped the expression and replaced it with his now signature grin. (This man had as extreme mood swings as Shiro) He only nodded once in the manor’s direction and walked back inside, through a door this time. After a split-second of deliberation, Ichigo stiffened and grim resolve filtered throughout his face, he followed the raven-headed man inside. Not looking forward to the conversation and the lies he’d have to tell. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BTW Ossan curses in german because why not and Arsch means a**hole. Please tell me is the insult is incorrect, fluent german speakers. Also, the bold italic lettering is Ichigo's self-loathing/memory/PTSD. I just gotta heap the angst on the traumatized strawberry, sorry not sorry.


	3. Reminiscing And Walls Of Lies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey so, I just wanted to say that I don't really have an update schedule and I will update when I feel like it. Also, shoutout to csme and Just_a_lonely_fangirl for their feedback/praise and to kirallie for their compliment. Thank you for your kudos a well, I really didn't expect this many people to read my fic right away. Again, criticism or comments are appreciated, as long as it isn't just hate. If you hate it you don't have to read it. I hope that this chapter doesn't make Kaien too OOC. Anyway, that's enough of my blabbering, enjoy!

Kaien was unsure of what to do. In all of his centuries lived has he ever come across a case like this. On one hand, this Shinigami (or I at least think so... hopefully??) looked like his own twin so they had to be related. There was no mistaking the Shiba in his appearance. So naturally, it was safe to assume he was family and it would be a cold day in hell before the Clan Head would ever turn his back on family. 

However, their similar looks weren’t the aspect he was wary of. It was the haori that had Kaien’s hair on end. If it were of any other division, Kaien would have chalked it up to there being a newly-instated Taicho or the boy pretending to be a Taicho after stealing one of their haoris. (He would have made sure the article of clothing was returned to the rightful owner and giving his relative a mouthful for his stunt) But what Kaien couldn’t ignore was the number on his cousin’s back. 

**_*Flashback*_ **

Kaien raced through the forest, the worn dirt path he followed bringing up dust clouds with every flash-step he took. As he ran he spared a look at the stranger he was worried about. Disbelief flooded his face as he stared down at the boy, for before him was almost a carbon-copy of the fukutaicho himself. Albeit, the boy looked younger and he had bright orange hair, no one could mistake the resemblance. Which brought the question, ‘ _ Was this boy somehow related to himself? His hair may be uncommonly colored but their facial structures were identical. _ ’ 

Shaking his head he cast away those thoughts and focused on the task at hand. There was a boy at death’s door (He refused to think of the irony of it) and he’d be damned to the worst level in Hell if he let the stranger die. Quickening his pace, he finally reached the front gate. After flying past the guards he entered the compound. 

Glancing around he spotted their Head Doctor walking towards the eastern wing of the house and shunpoed over. Stopping abruptly in front of the startled man, the Clan Head deposited the unconscious boy into the man’s arms. Looking up the pleading stare he gave the healer spoke a thousand words. The silver-haired healer’s face quickly shifted from one of shock to one of fierce determination. He suddenly ran past the raven-haired shinigami and only gave one glance back. The message it gave spoke loud and clear. ‘ _ I will not let this boy die but you  _ **_will_ ** _ explain what happened later. _ ’ 

Kaien’s worry was slightly fading but that didn’t stop him from following after the healer to their Clan’s med bay. He watched as the man made quick work of depositing the boy on the table and using Kido to try and close the still-bleeding wounds. The fukutaicho was unsure of whether to try and help or let the man do his job. Luckily it was answered for him when the stoic healer called out, “Kaien get over here and help me, my staff is currently on break so you’ll just have to do and hurry. I don’t think this boy will have a chance if you don’t.” 

The kind-hearted fukutaicho rushed over, almost vomiting when he saw the number of scars that littered the poor boy’s body. Before he could panic the healer gave him instructions to quickly peel off the boy’s clothes as they were only getting in the way. Leaving the boy in his underwear, Kaien took the bloodied clothes and took them to a water-basin nearby. 

Begining to wash the scarred boy’s clothes the first thing he noticed was that the boy wore a black shihakusho, one of which he was very familiar with. ‘ _ Hmm, it seems my relative is a shinigami. Weird… I’ve never seen him before. Maybe he’s a new recruit, it’s understandable with his wounds. Must’ve bitten off more he could chew and paid for it. Wonder what division he is- _ ’, his train of thought was suddenly cut off when he noticed the other article of clothing. 

Before in his haste, he didn’t take notice of the clothes the shinigami wore. Their similar appearances also taking his focus. Now that he was able to see them in light and clean, there was no dismissing it. The white haori rugged and torn in multiple places also having cut-off sleeves. Though that wasn’t what made his breath hitch. It was the glaring number one in kanji glaring back at him. It was as if the chrysanthemums were mocking him in saying you've just opened your door wide for trouble. 

Kaien glanced back at the medic and his patient over his shoulder, he hid the haori in a drawer nearby. Making sure to put some miscellaneous items to cover it. He let out a deep breath and his only thought was, ‘ _ You have a lot of explaining to do cousin. _ ’ 

**_*Present Time*_ **

Kaien sighed while he finished reminiscing on the event. He still was unsure of whether or not to turn in his maybe-cousin. All he was able to agree on was that he would decide after meeting the enigma himself. Turning the corner he was heading over to the room where his cousin was resting and being guarded. Hopefully, the boy woke up soon. 

Okumura-san (Head Doctor from earlier) said that after the constant 2 days of treatment, it was a miracle that he was alive. For all intents and purposes, the boy should have already died of blood-loss when he reached the manor. The brown-eyed healer remarked that throughout his treatment, he would momentarily see lines of blue underneath the boy’s skin but quickly dismissed it. Kaien knew not to look a gift horse in the mouth and was just relieved the boy pulled through, a testament to the patient’s character. The fukutaicho could only admire the orange-haired teen’s perseverance which further proved their blood relation.

As the trident-whielder walked down the hallway he thought of what his cousin would be like. Maybe he was brash and reckless, it would explain the unnumberable amount of scars on the teen. Or maybe he was bloodthirsty like the Kenpachi, just thinking about the name put shivers down the shinigami’s spine. He’d never met them before but he’s heard rumors of them being downright sadistic with their opponents. Hoping he’d never cross them, Kaien took the last right turn to the room.

Suddenly, Kaien stopped in his tracks, ‘ _ Maybe I should see how Okasan’s garden is doing. I heard the water lilies are blooming quite nicely this season. _ ’ Instead of continuing down the hallway, the Clan Head turned and walked outside into the garden. He expected to see budding blossoms and bursts of color but what he did see made his mouth hang like a goldfish. Oh, he saw color alright but bright striking orange was not something he’d expected. 

Clad in the shihakusho and haori he wore the first time he’d seen the other, his cousin was standing tall and faced away from the gobsmacked fukutaicho. After Kaien gained air in his lungs again he began to tiptoe closer. Soon he was just right behind the teen who was currently looking at the flowers around him. The raven-haired man was about to cough to gain the boy’s attention until he saw what the other was doing. Black tendrils of reiatsu stretched from the enigma’s haori, sensing the air around him until they stopped suddenly and shot right back into the teen’s form.

To say Kaien was shocked was an understatement, there wasn’t a word to how surprised the kind-hearted man was. All he could do is watch as the boy froze. For a second he thought he startled the boy until the boy slightly untensed his arms and sigh. With a moment of curiosity, the trident-whielder reached out with his reiatsu to feel the others. Kaien thinks he’s going to die of a heart attack at this point with how much his cousin keeps surprising him. The other boy’s reiatsu felt like nothing he had ever felt before. A mix of warmth with an underline of lethality. Hints of pure light reiatsu that spoke of regality strewn about but that’s not what gave him pause. It was the indistinguishable dark reiatsu that almost enveloped the boy. 

The fukutaicho’s blood ran cold when he barely touched the reiatsu with his own. What power does one have to be able to exude such a terrifying spiritual pressure? Kaien could not even begin to fathom on how the powerful boy’s reiatsu was like when he had killing intent. The reiatsu itself wasn’t overpowering, the spiritual pressure itself wasn’t even at his own strength. It was the feel it had to it. One that the Shiba could only describe in one word. When Kaien realized what the word was, he gasped, truly astounded. ‘ _ This pressure reminds me of  _ **_hollow_ ** _. _ ’ 

Before the Clan Head could ponder it over more in a flash the boy went from several feet in front of himself, to being inches away from his face. Kaien didn’t even take notice of the khyber blade at his throat. (At which Nejibana hissed in warning and panic) No, how could he focus on that when he was able to look at the strange shinigami’s eyes for the first time. Turbulent emotions swirled in deep amber, but the one emotion that the trident-whielder could pick out was despair. Not the type of which you lost all hope or even caused the loss of hope. No, this was the kind when you would watch your comrades, friends,  **family** start to give in to the darkness. Watch as you could do nothing to stop their agony and grief that you slowly slipped yourself. But in the end, you couldn’t even do that because you had to be strong. 

Kaien himself felt the pull of this sometimes when he had to keep up with all his responsibilities and keep a plastered smile on his face. Making sure no one could see behind his walls of lies. He had to not only for his beloved siblings but for his Clan and not to mention his division. But he had never felt anything as close to this magnitude. 

Not to the point where he’d watched countless fall before him, friend and foe, not being able to protect those closest to him. When you have to watch as the loss of hope soon infects everyone. Watch as everything you knew crumbles to the ground and is never rebuilt. As everyone you knew becomes a shadow of their former selves leaving broken souls behind. As the dead smile because **finally** , they don’t have to go on fighting a foe they knew they couldn’t defeat. Smiling as they told you they were counting on you to do what they could not. **But** **how could you?** How could you go on when you yourself don’t believe the lies that they told. If you were strong enough, fast enough, smart enough to do what they asked, then they wouldn’t be dying in your arms. Telling you not to give up when they themselves did long, long ago. 

Or when you had to watch others bleed for you, sacrifice for you,  **die for you** and you could do nothing to stop them. As the people, you trusted everything with, died so you could see the light of another day. Not because they wanted you to continue fighting but so you could finally see a day where life was ruled by fear and bloodshed. Kaien couldn’t bear to imagine the things that this boy has seen, has  **survived** because the fukutaicho knew. He knew that he couldn’t go through an iota of what this teen has. 

Before the raven-haired man could further spiral down, the emotions vanished. Wiped clean from those brown orbs that plead for sleep. Instead, they were replaced with slight disbelief as the sorrowful shinigami stepped back. Khyber blade at his side, he continued to step back until they were an appropriate distance apart again. 

After peering into the other’s soul, even for just a moment, left Kaien feeling as if he’d intruded on something personal and that it wasn’t his business to know of this boy’s life. Especially when they are technically only strangers still. The aquamarine-eyed man decided to mend this by introducing himself. Though the introduction was awkward, what would one expect after seeing into another’s soul? 

Nervously, the trident-whielder began to ramble on, inwardly he berated himself for acting like an embarrassed school-girl. (Much to Nejibana’s amusement) When he finished his piece and looked back at the orange-haired teen next to him he remembered the whole reason as to why he was wary of the shinigami in the first place. Kaien spoke up once again, “I know this is a shock and all. Waking up in a random bed, in a random house, and then listening to a stranger ramble on about flowers. Let’s head inside in a better setting, then I can fill you in.” He then sent his most serious glare at the enigma in warning stating, “And after maybe you can enlighten me as to why you are wearing the Soutaicho’s haori.” 

Quickly wiping the expression off his face, the Shiba offered the most welcoming grin he could and walked inside, nodding to the orange head to follow. Once the Clan Head was sure the boy couldn’t see his face he dropped the plastered smile, turbulent thoughts going through his mind. ‘ _ I know in the depths of my soul that this conversation will determine what I do with this enigma. However, I know this for a fact, if the boy has a good soul I will do all in my power to keep him safe. Kami-sama knows that my cousin deserves it after what I’ve seen in those dead eyes of his. I only hope that I can at least help, even by a little, to mend his broken mind. After all, what Shiba would I be to turn my back on family? _ ’ 


	4. Trust Founded By Instinct

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, so I'm not dead. Yay. 
> 
> Sorry I haven't posted in a while. I kinda had writer's block over the holidays and with visiting my family, traveling, and mid-terms from hell this was on hiatus for a bit. This will not be the usual update schedule. I am already writing the next chapter so expect that soon. Hopefully, this extra-long chapter will appease you readers. 
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach. I wouldn't have insane tuition debt if I did.

Ichigo may not have looked like it as he followed after the Shiba, but he was surely dumbfounded. This shinigami before him looked like a photo-copy of himself, which didn't unnerve him as much as the fact that this copy wasn't bleached white. After seeing Shiro so much, his spirit's color scheme became familiar, unlike this one. They could have passed off as twins more than Shiro himself, which already had alarm bells ringing in his head. The taicho had to admit that it had been a momentary lapse of judgment when he almost beheaded the man but he still didn’t know if it was the right choice or not. Despite their resemblances; he could not let his guard down. There was only one reason why he didn’t kill his captor when he had a chance.

His instincts all screamed no and he knew not to ignore his instincts… 

  
  
  
  


He has faced the consequences before.

  
  
  


**_*Flashback*_ **

It was a normal routine-bound morning, that was what Ichigo wished he could say about that day. That it was just another battle defending the medics traveling to another camp from attack. That it ended with them seeing the escorted healers off and being able to fight on the frontlines again. This was why once everyone was awake and accounted for, Ichigo made the group pack up at (Predicted, because Hueco Mundo had no sun) day-break and move out. If there were complaints he didn’t hear them, whether it be from respect or fear of the 8th division taicho.

Every passing second the orange-haired shinigami spent away from the battlefield was another hundred lives lost. If he didn’t spend all of his energy fighting another world’s war, he would let them all down. He has to pull all-nighters that soon turned into all-weekers, has to fight with nothing but the determination to see no more unnecessary blood spilled to fuel him. He has to watch the life drain from the eyes of enemies who Ichigo knew were only fighting out of fear. Those he knew were really only victims to a megalomaniac and a condescending Quincy king of old. Although, if the dual-sword wielder failed in any single aspect, he had no doubt that he would bring thousands, if not millions, down with him. So he had to do what he did, commit those crimes, slaughter those men, be the scarier monster. All to protect the realms and its residents.

( **_That’s what Ichigo told himself to get up on those bitter mornings where there was nothing to greet him besides rotting carcasses and the eyes of those who wish for the same fate. What made him strike down enemy after enemy with no mercy, further bloodying already soaked hands._ **

**_What made him reason with those who wanted to join the void of death and convince them to not join the rest in the forest of hanging bodies. What made him swallow the bile in his throat until the smell of acid, vomit, and burning maggot-infested carcasses became familiar._ **

**_What made him tear into the bodies of the Wandenreich who just wanted to watch the world burn- no not burning, burns can at least be healed. Rot would be a better adjective, rot slowly eats you from the inside until there is nothing left but a shell which slowly flakes away into dust._ **

**_It’s what made him run and leave The_ ** **_Verunreinigt_ ** **_behind so it doesn’t spread further, even the ones he swore to protect. What made him fight though there was nothing to sustain him because even he, the monstrous murderer of hundreds, couldn’t bear to see infants cry to their mothers about their stomachs which were just protruding bones through pale, scarred skin._ **

**_What made him endure the years in the abyss, nothing could compare to the void of Muken. Where all you could hear is the white noise your brain makes; to make the silence not as silent or the dripping sound of his blood would make when it hit the pavement. At least it was sound._ **

**_What made him make sure that his breakdowns were in a padded, sound-proof room so no innocents would be in the cross-fire as he ripped out tangerine locks as he cried into the emptiness that it was not enough. No pain existed that he hadn’t already endured, so what agony could give him repentance? He’d let out all the inner turmoil his soul felt constantly there in those pristine walls. If he didn’t, he knew his iron grip on reality would slip and forever be lost to him._ **

**_All he could do is let out his insanity in slight increments, so he could be sane outside this room. Ichigo never wanted to have to fight a losing battle for his sanity, but he must. It would be a cold day in Hell before he would let the others see behind these reiatsu-containing walls._ **

**_It’sstillyourfaultyourfault_ ** **YOURFAULT** **.** **_Youknowitwhyhidewhentheworldneedstoseetheinsane_ ** **BEAST** **_youtrulyare.Bethemonstertheycreatedyoutobe,atleastyouwouldn’tbea_ ** **LIAR** **_ontopofeverythingelse._ **) 

But no, Ichigo couldn’t say that this was a routine mission as he watched broken skin stretch across thin bone when the other shinigami fought. The main shinigami food supply had been bombed by a few Sternritter last month, making them have to salvage and store whatever they could. The hybrid himself could go without food and still fight better than most, which is why he always gave his rations to those who needed it. 

Starvation and fatigue had claimed already one-fourth of their forces and continued to still. To the point where they soon had to employ souls in the Rukongai with little to no training just to be cannon fodder. Thinking about that certain fact always left Ichigo with hair being pulled from his skull and his own blood on his marred hands. 

**_(MyfaultmyfaultmyfaultIshouldhavebeenthere.Nonononononono_ TAKEMEINSTEAD, _IdeserveitIdeserveit._ VÖLLIG NUTZLOS SEIN _-)_ **

Stopping that train of thought, he focused on the task at hand. 12 out of the 25 medics were still alive by that point in the ambush. It had taken them by surprise during one of the few moments where Ichigo had decided to rest. (Something he berated and punished himself for by fighting for weeks solo on the sands of Hueco Mundo after the battle. It had taken the combined forces of Rukia, Renji, Shiro, and his sisters to make the hybrid rest for more than a few hours per week. Even then, he could never talk to anyone about the self-loathing he felt. They all weren’t _her_ , they couldn’t heal the scars that he had only shown her. In the end, it was his selfishness in sharing his insignificant thoughts that got her an early grave.) 

The Soldat and Arrancar were teamed up, though begrudgingly, for this excursion and had the shinigami troops dodging death blows by the skin of their teeth. Kenpachi was leading his shinigami in the counterattack while Ichigo and a scant few stayed back to watch over the remaining members of the 4th while they healed the injured, including Unohana herself. 

Very few foes actually went straight towards them to engage in battle. Most decided that getting rid of the main commander/fighter would be more efficient or fun. The whole situation had Ichigo both relieved and suspicious of the strange treatment, sending the hairs on the back of his neck on end. Kami-sama knows that Aizen always loves to pick out those who can’t defend themselves and leave their remains for those who barely survived the waves of enemies. 

It was the last time that the hybrid didn’t trust his instincts first. 

However, they relaxed in their slight reprieve, thinking the combatters had it handled. The assembled shinigami didn’t expect three invisible Vasto Lorde to jump them. Once awoken, the orange-haired taicho quickly sprung into the fight by defending a shinigami from an attack that had been aimed at her exposed back. 

While defending the woman from another surprise attack, the hybrid didn’t notice the Quincy stalking behind him until he was hit by 3 arrows at his unguarded back. With one through his thigh, one through his abdomen, and one through his left lung. The Vizard knew he needed at least 15 minutes to heal the worst of the injuries. The taicho then donned his mask so his instant regeneration could kick in. Because of his lowered reiryoku due to reiatsu exhaustion, the process would be slower than normal. 

As he waited, he took shelter in an overturned med tent. Golden sclera flicking back and forth from shinigami to shinigami. He internally chided himself for his unobservance and carelessness. Swirling emotions swam underneath the white and red bone mask that he wore. Souls were _dying_ and all he could do was watch them fall under swords and arrows that _he_ should have been defending them from. Ichigo never thought that he would feel as repulsed with his own name as he did that day. 

Suddenly a memory tugged at his heart, a memory long forgotten in his never-ending grief over his mother’s death. His mother had just arrived at the front door to pick him up from school with her usual smile on her face, expecting him to be happy to return home. However, the moment she and the orange-haired child made eye-contact, he ran over and cried in her arms. When she asked what was wrong, all he could form was incoherent syllables in between his sobs.

Concerned, she held him in her arms until the sobs became sniffles. Standing, the tawny-haired mother took his hand as he rubbed at his puffy eyes and exited the building. Because their house was close to the elementary school, they took their usual route and walked. After a few minutes of comfortable silence, he peeked at her in the corner of his eye and saw her take notice. The caring woman then turned her head and smiled down at the 6-year old. Her reassuring gaze was what made him finally speak of his troubles. 

“I saw a cat today, it was all black and had pretty golden eyes. It was sitting on the porch across the street and it felt like stared at me all through recess but I couldn’t tell because we were playing tag. It was when recess was almost over that it happened. 

I was tossing a ball around with Tatsuki-chan when I saw the cat begin to walk across the street. That’s when I saw a car coming so I tried to shoo it away from the street but I think it got confused and stopped. Right in the middle of the road! It wasn’t until it was too late that the cat noticed. Though, after the car passed I didn’t see the cat anywhere, so it must’ve gotten away in time. But Okasan,” he looked up to his mother with teary amber eyes. 

“What if it didn’t get away? I didn’t do anything to save it even though I wanted to, I was just too scared. I also didn’t want to get in trouble with the teacher or you, because you always told me never to go in the street without a grownup. That cat could’ve died because of me! Does that make me a bad person?” 

The end of his rant became muffled as he brought his hand to his eyes to wipe the tears. After wiping them all away, he looked up to see his mother, not with her usual smile adorning her face but a small frown. That alone made the boy shrink back and for a moment. The child saw trepidation flicker across her face before it was washed away by the grim look of resolve in his mother’s eyes. One that was near identical to his own in the future. 

“Ichigo, you are not a bad person, you are still a child so there wasn’t much you could do in the moment. You were right to stay back and not go out on the road and you made Okasan very proud by doing so.” The small frown she was wearing suddenly turned into a smile so full of warmth, Ichigo believed that it put the sun to shame. “You know, I have a story to tell you too.” 

She then found a bench nearby and they sat down facing the setting sun. 

“It’s about a gifted girl who was the descendant of a god. The people who lived in her town locked her away in a tower so she wouldn’t have to go through the petty trials of mortals.

In her tower, there was another boy who was like her and they grew to love and take care of each other like brothers and sisters would. One day, there was a powerful demon that wreaked havoc upon her village. She knew it was a monster she could vanish but her brother told her to stay and let the knights handle the creature. 

So she did, and lives were lost because of her choice. The next day, another monster appeared and yet again her brother told her to stay back for her own safety. That people of their bloodline needn’t worry themselves over such small things. Though the girl understood that he was only trying to care for her, do you know what she said back to him?” she questioned, finally glancing at her son with a teasing glint in her eye. All the orange-haired boy could do is shake his head in the negative. 

A grin grew on her face as she answered, “To me, ‘ _taking proper care of myself_ ’, means making sure I do what I can in the here and now. Because if I decided not to take action because of rules and customs and somebody else died because I did nothing, I don’t think I’d be able to forgive myself for that.”

The tawny-haired woman looked back at her charge and smiled, not a reassuring smile but something else altogether. If Ichigo had to explain the emotion, he would say it was like victory, sorrow, gentleness, and bittersweetness rolled all into one. Where there were hints of each but together they could only be described as the feeling of freedom. The feeling of finally being able to share a secret that you’ve kept locked inside for years. He could only wonder why her smile looked that way. 

Maybe she ate some bad tuna and now it’s messing with her head.

Nevertheless, he just smiled along with her as they then made their way back home. After dinner when his mother tucked him in and kissed him on the forehead then began to speak words that he would hold close to his heart forever, “Ichigo, I know you may not understand this now but one day you will be faced with a choice. Sometimes you can’t tell which one is the good or bad one and in that situation I want you to do exactly as I tell you. Count to five aloud, just like this,” 

Ichigo then began to rise from his position in the blood-soaked sand and reached for his sword. _One._

Using the sword to alleviate some of the weight, he took a step forward. _Two._

The 8th division taicho reformed his hollow mask and deadly yellow eyes scanned the battlefield. _Three._

A female Arrancar noticed him immediately and sonidoed forward, raising his sword he prepared to take the impact head-on. _Four._

He then dodged the charge at the last second, swiping his sword and beheaded the woman. The orange-head then brought his blades up to block the attack that would have chopped an arm off anyone else. _Five._

Facing the other hollow, he began to charge up a Getsuga Juujisho while keeping himself from coughing up the blood in his throat. 

“ _The numbers stand for our family. When you count us off one by one, know that we stand with you. Even if we are no longer on this Earth, we will still be there at your side.'_

Screaming out its name, Ichigo sent the attack out and fell to his knees after seeing the blast wipe out all the lingering enemies in the vicinity. The man couldn’t swallow the blood any longer and began to cough violently into his sleeve. 

' _If you let the memory of us guide you forward, I know you’ll always make the right choice. When your older, I know you’ll save lots of people. Whether it's being a doctor like your Tou-san or some other way. You may even save a few cats too but for right now, you can just be my little golden-boy. Good night Ichigo.”_

Ichigo began to see black spots envelop his vision. He only had one thought left, one he accidentally spoke aloud before he fell.

“Good night, Okasan.” 

**_*Flashback End*_ **

Locking the memory away in its box, he looked back at the 13th division fukutaicho, if the badge on his arm was correct. The dual-blade wielder then thought about his situation and how it got to this point. Holding back a sigh he could really only reach one conclusion with the facts presented to him. ‘ _It seems I’ve been transported to the past. But the question remains, how? '_ Before he could further delve into the subject, the newly-introduced Kaien finally stopped in front of one of the many rooms in the corridor and walked inside. Making sure to leave the door open for his guest. 

He walked into a room with a wooden desk and two mats laid down across each other. The bipolar Shiba then sat in a loose seiza and gestured to the only other mat. Now that Kaien could really look at the boy without him being unconscious or holding a sword to his throat, he could see how scarred the kid was. His hair may be washed and his eyes less bloodshot but it did not take away the war-torn appearance. 

Now being able to examine the boy’s face, Kaien couldn’t dispute the fact that they had to be related. Though the boy didn’t have the signature goofiness that most Shibas had. Sure, his clan could be serious at the times where it was needed but when the shinigami was in the garden ‘alone’, he saw a certain tenseness in his cousin’s shoulders and the apprehensiveness in his reiatsu. It spoke volumes of how the boy's life was like before.

The shinigami also had scarring on his face from the injuries that they weren’t able to heal. One coming from the bottom left of his jaw going up, cutting through his lips and ending at the tip of his right eyebrow. Another jagged one coming from his right ear and curving underneath his eye. It was as if someone was trying to blind his right eye but then failed. Which brought some worry, the boy was already deathly pale as it was, his scars only increased the orange-head’s battered appearance. 

Ichigo then promptly sat in a seiza, although the finesse and caution of the movement spoke of trained refinement. Kaien was once again slightly on edge, though most see him as an idiotic fool, he graduated in only 2 years for a reason. He could recognize lethality when he saw it. The was under no illusion that the boy in front of him could have assassinated someone and left without any alarm being sounded if he had not found him first. 

But that brings up one of the questions that had been bothering him the most, ‘ _Why does a boy, who looks not a day over 170, have the precision and skill seen in the Onmitsukido Commander-In-Chief? I know that here in Soul Society we age differently but he looks younger than me. Which means he’s at most 180. I can’t imagine what horrors he must have gone through in that short amount of time to have that much deadly grace._ ’ The raven-head knew he had to be careful, they might not be using weapons but this was a battle nonetheless, so Kaien willed himself not to falter despite how he felt about the disheveled shinigami.

“So, now that we are in a suitable environment for this conversation, I think it’s only fair that you introduce yourself as well. ” Kaien started with not a hint of fear in his eyes. Well, it’s to be expected of the Shiba, Kukkaku and Ganju always described their brother as unflinching in the face of death itself. Ichigo himself had to look Death in the eye so many times, that it could be compared to the grains of sand in the desert. 

Ichigo thought about giving an alias to not arouse suspicion when questioned about his family name. **_(_** ** _Notthathehadoneanymore-_ ** **_)_** He didn’t know whether or not it would be alarming if he just used his first name but his pause was becoming stretched too far. If he didn’t answer soon then the trident whielder would soon suspicious so he made a choice and damned the consequences.

“Ichigo. Just Ichigo.” his voice came out raspy with disuse and the orange-head hoped his voice wouldn’t crack throughout the conversation. He waited as Kaien seemed to take that under consideration and then smile.

“Well then Ichigo, I would say it is a pleasure to meet you but not a few minutes ago you had a sword at my throat. So please excuse me if I feel the need to know a little more about you before I let you leave the manor. Don’t worry though, if you pose my family or Soul Society no harm then this will be a breeze. Also, I am a man of my word so I will tell you as to why you are here and what happened when you were unconscious. But first here’s some tea, you sounded like you needed something to drink.”, as the man spoke he took out a tea set from underneath the table and poured them both a cup. 

Taking the cup, Ichigo glanced at the man’s passive gaze and knew that he wouldn’t take a sip until the other did. The taicho put his cup down and winced in pain, his wounds may have healed but they were still sore. Luckily, Ichigo had no reason to worry as Kaien then took a sip and placed it back down on its saucer. Looking up, the fukutaicho began to speak, “You were unconscious in the forest surrounding the Shiba compound and it was mere luck that I found you. Seeing as you had multiple grievous injuries I took you back to the manor. I got you some medical help and while they were busy with you I discovered your haori and its division. No one else noticed in the heat of the moment and I am the only one who knows of your theft besides me.” 

“I’m not a thief.” the dual-whielder spoke interrupting whatever else the Shiba had to say. The Clan Head looked up with narrowed eyes as if staring long enough will tell if he was lying. Then he blinked and there was a hint of something close to pride in his gaze but it was gone after a moment. “Ah, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be presumptuous but the evidence is damning at this point but I didn’t come here to point fingers. I have come to hear your side of the story and I will judge you based on that, not misunderstandings.” 

Ichigo knew he had to be careful if he wanted to keep his cover and not reveal too much, though he was never all that great at creating lies out of thin air so he compromised. Half-truths would have to do for now. “I didn’t always have this.” ( ' _True'_ ) “I was in a battle and passed out due to injuries.” ( ' _Near-fatal ones after fighting Yhwach'_ ) 

“They must have given this to me to incriminate me.” ( ' _Technically incriminate means_ _to charge with or show evidence or proof of involvement in a crime or fault. My haori has always mocked me for my faults. It’s funny how when he became Soutaicho, the captain of all, I had no one left to really lead. Only shattered souls and those on Death’s Door already.'_ )

He waited for the other man to speak, calm and collected under Kaien’s scrutinizing stare. Well, even if the Shiba sounded alarms and attacked him, Ichigo knew he could fight his way out. He felt Zangetsu become excited, the sword pulsed red, begging to spill blood. 

‘ _Don’t get your hopes up, Shiro. I wouldn’t kill him, not unless it was necessary. This man seemed to mean a lot to Rukia and Ukitake. I wouldn’t want to put up with Kukkaku and Ganju’s revenge attempts either._ ’ 

**‘Are you becoming soft Aibou? You know better than anyone that this is a world of monsters, either become the scarier one or you’ll perish. We might not be in the sands of Hueco Mundo or the war-torn fields of the Rukongai but there are still enemies. While they are hidden, I will not allow my whielder to beaten by anyone except ME. No one has the right to warrant your protection, at least not at this point in time.’**

‘ _I know Shiro. Better than anyone, but I will not spill innocent blood. I’ve already done enough of that in the past. Though I will not hesitate if this man becomes the enemy. You and I both know that I lost my capability for mercy long ago._ ’

**‘Just don’t let your familiarity with him blind you.’** And with that, the spirit faded back into the man’s mindscape. Watching and waiting for the time to strike. 

Ichigo looked back up at the Shiba after having his conversation with Shiro in a manner of seconds. Kaien then closed his eyes and sighed, though the grin the man had betrayed him.

“Well, I think that’s good enough explanation for me. This may be naive for me to say but I trust you. You probably don’t know of this because we Shibas don’t tell outsiders this but, you can say we have a certain… ability. Most of the time it’s only the main bloodline that can use it to its full extent. Most of the time it comes off as a gut feeling but really it’s the nature of the person’s soul telling you to trust them. Being the Clan head my ability is the strongest, it’s like a can take a glimpse of one’s soul.” 

The fukutaicho paused as if he was still debating on something, staring at his tea. The apprehensiveness in his face wiped away once he looked back at the rugged shinigami. 

Continuing on he rambled, “When I saw you out in the garden, I had a sudden feeling of familiarity. As if we’d met in another life, you could say. Your reiatsu proved my hunch as well. While it might have felt dark and threatening, I also felt overwhelming sorrow and guilt. From then on I knew I could trust in you because no one who commits murder and truly evil feels guilt. Survivors do though, and I’m familiar with the feeling. Enough that you could say we are old friends. So who am I to cast away someone who has probably lived through worse than I could possibly imagine. Therefore Ichigo I ask you this, would you like to become a Shiba?” 

Kaien must have seen the slight tensing of his shoulders as he hastily added, “You don’t have to but I feel that you deserve a place to stay. You can stay here until your wounds are healed and leave whenever you’d like after that. I know that we can’t replace your family, heck we don’t want to but everyone deserves a safe place. A place to come back to after a battle. A place to belong. A home.” 

Ichigo knew the man before him meant no harm but he couldn’t help the stiffening in his posture and the deepening of his scowl. Offers like these were usually too good to be true. What was this man’s ulterior motive? What did he want in return for his gracious offer? The taicho couldn’t help but feel it was too good to be true. That it would be like one of Aizen’s illusions, reeling him like a naive fool then only shatter and leave him falling into the abyss. 

Seeing the man’s apprehension, Kaien only sighed and stood up. Not noticing how Ichigo gripped the sword at his back and the glint of warning flashing in his eyes. The fukutaicho only dusted off invisible dirt and headed to the door. Stopping in the doorframe, he turned back to Ichigo he smiled and simply stated, “Come find me when you have your answer. Feel free to roam but I wouldn’t go flashing around that haori if I were you.”, and then left. Leaving a confused orange-head behind. 

This man left a stranger in his house by himself? Without any guards or supervision? Either this man was all the idiot that Kukkaku made him out to be or he was way too trusting. In the war, a stunt like that would have gotten an encampment wiped out. Though he shouldn’t expect war standards of a shinigami who has never experienced the true horrors of an all-out battle for all life itself. 

Ichigo then considered something that he has never done for another after the first death of a friend in the war. 

‘ _Maybe, just maybe, this man can be trusted. Maybe then I could finally figure out why in this entire conversation I haven’t been grieved by memories of the past. I wonder, if I do end up trusting this man will he either go by his word or betray me? I dealt with betrayal before, I know how to handle it. What if I did trust in him?_ ’

‘ _Ichigo, you know of the future. You know that this man dies. Either open your heart to him and save his life in the future, even if it rids us of our information of the future. Or we distance ourselves and plan for the future we have seen. It is your choice to make, I know you will choose what is right._ ’ 

With that said, the spirit receded back into the furthest corners of his mindscape. Ichigo sighed and stood up, ignoring the pain that came from his scars. As the war-hero made it back to the guest room, he was haunted by images of broken bodies and blood-soaked floors. Shaking away the hallucinations he internally groaned, ‘ _If only I could talk to Kisuke, he’d know what to do. Scheming was never my forte, but I swear,_ ’ if anyone was watching him in the dark hallway they’d see a bright blue glow start to leak from the boy’s form. ‘ _That no one has to suffer through that future. I’ll make sure that the three worlds stay intact and that humanity survives. Even if I have to fight Fate, I will win! That is my vow._ ’ 

Once he got back to the room, Ichigo planned for the uncertain future. One wrong move and it would be game over. The worlds were in his hands once again but this time, he was sure there wouldn’t be a second time he was transported to the past. 

It was no wonder why he didn’t get any sleep that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I know that Kaien may have come off as OOC but I feel that when the need arises, he can be serious and composed. This is a new threat to his family so he's bound to be cautious. BTW the cat, if you noticed, was Yoruichi and she did shunpo away in time. Urahara had her monitor the kid for a bit just to make sure he wasn't a threat. Masaki pieces this together from the description and let's just say that she used her Unohana smile to the fullest extent on Urahara behind the scenes. I'm also going by the aging system where 10 human years equal 1 for them. The story Masaki told was a retelling of when she first met Isshin as well. I thought that she would be the type to tell stories to her kids. Anyway, the german words I used are translated below and to german-speakers, if they don't match up, please comment on it. 
> 
> The Soldat: The military is comprised of a large number of skilled Soldat (German for "Soldier", Japanese for "Holy Soldier(s)"; Viz "Divine Warriors"). They can defeat low-ranked Shinigami with ease.  
> The Verunreinigt: German for Contaminated or Infected (Not Canon, just in this fic and will be touched upon later)  
> The Wandenreich: German for "Walled Empire", Japanese for "Invisible Empire" is a hidden empire of the Quincy that were at war with Soul Society.  
> VÖLLIG NUTZLOS SEIN: German for "To Be Worse Than Useless"


	5. Misunderstandings and Regrets

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, finally a new chapter! 
> 
> Yeah, I probably never going to update as fast as I did with the first few chapters. Although, my chapters are longer now which I think is a better hand-off. I know it's pretty slow-going right now but I promise shizz is about to go down soon enough. Once we get through the settling into this reality arc, things will get pretty crazy and the captains are going to rain hell on Ichigo's calm lifestyle. How though, will be answered in the future. 
> 
> I'm still on the fence on whether to have a Shinigami School arc or not so please comment on if you want it or not. I would be putting my own twist on the arc as Ichigo goes through the Shino Academy experience but if you'd rather Ichigo go full speed ahead into working in the Gotei 13 I have a plan for that route as well. 
> 
> I also want to say that I'm planning on releasing a new story as well but I want to write the first few chapters of it so I can post them right away. Don't think that I'll stop posting on this one, I'll keep this one going but it might be at a bit of a slower pace (sorry). Though I'll only say this about the story, it has to do with the Hell Verse movie. I'm also going to be exploring Kokuto's character because I feel like we missed a lot of what could've been. So stay tuned for that if you are interested. 
> 
> Anyway, I'll stop blathering and wasting your time. Enjoy the chapter!

Rays of light streaked across the room; the morning sun could be seen through the window. Robins could be heard singing their tune outside in the greenery as a slight wind swayed the flowers in a hypnotic dance. Though the futon was untouched, the table was a mess of books, ink, and parchment. A single male occupied the quiet room. 

Messy orange locks of hair fell down covering the man’s eyes though if they were revealed one would see the closed eyelids and eyebrows scrunched in concentration. As if he was searching through his own soul for something. The man then placed two swords parallel to each other across his lap. 

Sitting on the floor wearing a dark blue yukata instead of his usual shihakusho, Ichigo was about to enter jinzen when suddenly, he felt a reiatsu signature racing toward his location. He immediately grabbed his swords and began charging a Getsuga Tensho with his khyber blade while holding his trench knife in front of him for defense. 

When the reiatsu was just behind the door, the time-traveler was about to send out his attack until Kaien burst through the wall. The energetic Shiba just smirked while internally grimacing at the trench knife at his throat. ‘ _What did this kid go through for him to be so guarded? I swear the people who did this to him will pay for hurting my maybe-cousin._ ’ 

Pushing away his thoughts of vengeance, the fukutaicho held a finger up and pushed the blade away nervously while joking, “Well good morning to you too. I just wanted to invite you down to breakfast. My siblings are excited to meet the shinigami who caused so much chaos around the house and I don’t think I can hold them back any longer.” 

The former taicho withdrew his blades and placed them back on his person. Ichigo didn’t know what to think of this man. Just yesterday he was calm and collected while interrogating him with hidden menace but now he was acting like they’ve known each other forever. 

Shaking off his thoughts of the bipolar Shiba when said man continued, “I’m not going to force you to come but it would be easier for all of us if you did. Don’t worry though, we aren’t like those stuck-up Kuchiki’s. We Shibas aren’t that type of noble. We do live in the Rukongai after all, I bet those pricks have never even touched Rukongai soil before.” 

Laughing the trident-wielder grabbed the boy’s shoulder and questioned, “You up to it? I could have one of the servants bring up your food if you don’t feel like coming down. There’s no shame in doing so. I want you to be comfortable here, even if you are just staying while your injuries heal.”

Ichigo looked towards the door and back at the man’s concerned eyes feeling slightly ashamed for having to be treated like glass before he washed the feeling away. 

Letting out a sigh he simply stated, “Let’s go.” With that, the shinigami walked out of the room and to the general direction of Kukaku and Ganju’s reiatsu. 

‘ _Ossan, you’re better at Reikaku than me or Shiro.’_

**‘Hey, I take offense to that!’**

Deciding to ignore the zanpakuto he continued, ‘ _Can you tell which Rukon district we’re in right now?_ ’ 

‘ _It seems we are near the single-digit districts but it’s difficult to pinpoint an exact location. I’m still not fully adjusted to the abundance of reishi here, but I can tell you that we are in between districts 10-13. I regret that I cannot be of more assistance._ ’ 

‘ _No, that’ll do for now. I can probably get the exact number out of Kaien during breakfast where he’ll be relaxed around his family._ ’

While Ichigo held the internal conversation, he didn’t notice until he was four feet away from the door that they’d arrived. Kaien stepped forward from behind the orange-head and pushed open the door for them both. 

Gleefully bounding inside like he had done this morning, (Except this time he actually used the door) the hyperactive man was immediately on top of his siblings. Giving them what the fukutaicho called, ‘Ultimate Good Morning Noogies of Doom’. 

While the older brother continued to harass his family, Ichigo took the moment to look around the dining hall, not able to watch anymore. The tribrid was reminded too much of his own **_(Theydiedbyyourhandhow_ ** **DARE** ** _youcallthem_** **-** ** _)_ **family. It wasn’t as grand or glamorous as the Kuchiki’s but it had a certain allure to it. One that reminded Ichigo of his own family home from the past. 

Before he could further delve into buried memories though, the Clan Head stepped next to Ichigo and led him forward to the table and sat him down on a brightly colored zabuton. 

“This is the boy that I found out in the nearby forest. He’s going to be staying with us for a bit while he heals. If he chooses to stay or not is up to him.” Kaien then grabbed the nearest bowl and started to eat, no- _inhale_ , the food in front of him. 

When Ichigo turned back to the two kids across from him, he felt immense self-loathing infiltrate his mind. He turned away, unable to look them in the eyes anymore. Images of their still-bleeding carcasses flashed through his head. This was the first time he had to actually face someone he’d met in the past, not just feel their reiatsu. 

Although he was still suspicious of the fact that it _wasn’t_ just one of that bastard’s illusions, the faces on the two siblings were convincing. Their child-like faces held fragments of their future selves that sent grief crashing through him.

The two Shibas had been great allies during the war. Kukkaku used her knowledge of fireworks and kido to build amazing weaponry for low-ranking officers. It used their reiryoku through the Reishukaku and could be used as an impromptu shield from strong attacks. 

It was mostly used as a last resort though due to the extreme reiryoku drain and stress it put on the device, causing it to explode after one use. 

She and Getaboshi worked together throughout the first few years and were soon able to create something that could only be described as a Kido Gun. Holding the spell inside the bullet once fired, it would have the same power as the same spell cast by a Kido master. 

It gave them a huge advantage over the opposing side as novices like Renji **_(Goddammit Renji! I DIDN’T DO IT! NO-)_ **could deal out powerful kido spells. 

Ganju was also a powerful ally in the war. After he gained better understanding and ability over his Earth Magic, it helped tremendously in battles based in Hueco Mundo. 

With a little more experience, **_(You can’t activate that spell Ganju! You don’t know how to control it ye- GANJU!)_ **Ichigo would’ve bet he would have been at fukutaicho level had he not died so early on. Using Ganju’s control over sand, they were able to stage ambushes and surprise attacks against enemy forts. With a quick Seppa, the Shiba was able to sink entire squadrons down into the hollow forest. 

He always secretly praised Kyoraku-Soutaicho **_(Formeryoumean,youstolethattitlefromhiscolddeadhands)_ ** ordering that after they went back to bury Ashido with the rest of his comrades, they would destroy the only exit out. 

Inwardly cursing himself for being distracted with memories, the former taicho looked up again at the two younger souls. He saw their glancing inquisitive eyes but their reiatsu spoke of slight fear and apprehension. 

Further proving that these weren’t the same ones he knew nor illusions. If Aizen was behind this, he would have made it so he was with all of his loved ones with their memories intact. To be completely honest, Ichigo would’ve rathered a fate living in an idyllic false world, even if it was governed by Aizen. If Aizen had sprung a trap such as that at this very moment, the tribrid would have gladly accepted it. 

Anything was better than seeing their faces full of youth, knowing that war and hardship would taint them in the near future. 

Ichigo then cleared his throat to gain their attention again and simply said, “The name’s Ichigo. Thank you for letting me stay until I’m healed. And for the food.” The time-traveler then picked up his untouched bowl and slowly begun to eat. 

Slowly because he knew that his body couldn’t stand regularly portioned meals anymore. Being on the brink of starvation so many times that it became _routine_ has that effect, though he couldn’t complain. He didn’t _die_ from it after all. 

By the time that everyone was finished, Ichigo managed to eat at least a quarter of the bowl. Kaien looked at him questioningly but the orange-head just shrugged it off. After signaling to the two younger souls that they could leave, Kaien brought Ichigo to a door that connected the dining room to another. 

Catching his supposed cousin’s wary expression and twitching hands he stated, “It’s connected to a meeting room, I just want to get you acquainted with the staff and them to you. I didn’t introduce you to them before because you were unconscious. Not to worry, they’re good people. So we might as well get this over with!” The Shiba then grabbed the stoic shinigami and shoved him into the room. 

Cursing the man for his exuberance while also beating down the urge to sever the arms that pushed him, he looked around. The room wasn’t large but the former taicho wouldn’t call it small either. There were 2 rows of people, men at the left and women at the right. Both wore traditional dark grey and green garments that had the symbol of the Shiba Clan on their backs. 

As soon as he stepped into the room, all attention turned to him. Kaien quickly took over before the silence could become any more awkward. “This is Ichigo, he’ll be staying with us for a bit while he heals. I hope that you all greet him with open arms and treat him like you would any of us.” 

Turning back to the tribrid Kaien continued, “Now let me introduce you to them.” An elderly woman with greying black hair and deep violet eyes stood up and made her way over. “This is Kiyooka-chan, Head Handmaiden of Shiba.” 

“I think you meant Kiyooka- _san_ correct, Shiba-dono? I hope that you haven’t forgotten that I have taken care of you since birth. Even though you are Clan Head Shiba-dono, I hope that you would still respect the one who has looked after you since you were in diapers. Though, who am I to speak? I am but a _lowly servant_ to the proud house of Shiba, right?” 

As the woman spoke, Ichigo could see a dark aura building around her until the shadow took the form of a large Oni behind her. All the while she still held a smile scarily reminiscent of Unohana herself. Ichigo took a mental note that her preferred pronoun was Kiyooka- _san_. 

Kaien began to sweat profusely and immediately shook his head to the question. Fearing for his life, the fukutaicho hid behind the still-healing shinigami that was just a passive observer of the confrontation. 

Instantly, the handmaiden’s passive-aggressive smile turned into a genuine one and the dark aura surrounding her dissipated into nothingness. “Oh, pardon me! I didn’t even get to properly introduce myself because of this man’s buffoonery. I am Kiyooka Haru, and you are?”

“Ichigo. Just Ichigo. No honorifics.”

Grinning the elder answered, “It’s a pleasure to meet you Ichigo-sama. We Handmaidens pledge to do whatever we can to make your stay here comfortable.” Ichigo grimaced at the honorific slightly as she bowed and went back to her seat. 

After that, a man who looked in his 40s with long brown, greying hair swept into a ponytail and dark green eyes stood up and walked over. 

“Greetings, Ichigo-sama. I am Toudou Akihiro, the Head Steward of Shiba. Unlike what _others_ may think,’ he briefly glared in Kiyooka-san’s direction, a gesture she returned two-fold. 

‘We Stewards think of it as an honor to serve those of the Shiba Clan. If there is anything we can do to make your stay here enjoyable, all you must do is ask. We are what keep things running here unlike _other people_.” 

Though Kiyooka-san’s posture was regal and elegant, her eyes spoke of immeasurable pain for the steward until the Clan Head finally decided to step in and relieve the tension in the room. 

“Hey now, I know you two have a bit of a rivalry going on but please don’t bicker in front of our guest.” Gesturing to the stoic man next to him that looked the same but if you knew him well, you could see the hint of distaste in his eyes and slightly furrowed eyebrows. 

“We are not _bickering_. Only children do such actions. We but merely agreeing on the fact that we _Handmaidens_ are superior to lowly _Stewards_.” Kiyooka-san replied with a mocking grin. 

“Shiba-dono I believe we need to bring Okamura-san in to check up on Kiyooka-san’s mental state. I think her _old age_ is starting to impair her judgment because we _Stewards_ are far superior to _Handmaidens_. 

However, if he decided to put her into forced retirement I wouldn’t object. It really is best for someone her age.” Toudou replied with a deceivingly innocent look of concern. 

Before Kaien or Kiyooka could retort, the time-traveler stepped forward and grabbed Toudou by the shoulder and pulled him backward. 

Staring at the two emotionlessly “You have a rivalry, that is fine. Rivalries help push people to new heights. But don’t take for granted the allies you have. They can be gone in the blink of an eye and it’s an insult to those who have none. Take my words to heart or not. I don’t care. Just don’t repeat your actions in my sight.”

The former taicho then turned around and walked out of the room. Unable to continue watching those who harmed their own allies, verbal or otherwise. Comrades are something no one should _ever_ take for granted. It was a sin that Ichigo would gladly punish.

After glancing back at the staff, Kaien quickly followed the house guest out. Leaving a room of shocked souls with guilty hearts. Though the Shiba’s posture and eyes betrayed nothing, the souls who have been serving under Kaien since his own birth could easily tell. 

Shiba-dono had been so very disappointed. Making them feel all the more ashamed. 

They all returned to their duties without a single word spoken. 

***

Sensing the direction of the garden, Ichigo decided to stop by and gain his bearings in the field. The war took most of the reishi out of both Soul Society and the Human World. Natural vegetation had been scarce throughout the better half of the war. 

Being able to just _breathe_ without having to constantly monitor the toxicity levels in the air still sounded too good to be true. The dual-wielder decided to ignore the man trailing behind him even though all of his battle-honed instincts told him otherwise. 

The tribrid knew Ossan felt the use of Quincy abilities when he resurrected a Blut Vene concentrated on his unprotected side.

He just didn’t comment on it. 

As Ichigo reached the garden, he instantly felt all the indignation he had towards the staff dissipate. Leaving only weariness in its place.

Sitting down against a nearby weeping willow facing the pond, Ichigo mentally sighed. 

‘ _Kami-sama I’m getting too old for this bullshit._ ’

**‘Geez Aibou, yar startin’ ta sound more like Yamamoto every day. Without da expletives a ‘course.’**

‘ _Hey, what happened to trying to speak normally? Did Ossan finally give up on teaching you proper etiquette?_ ’

**‘Tch, when has any part of ya ever been** **_normal_ ** **?’**

‘ _Touche. Ossan, did you figure out which district we are in yet? With what happened earlier I lost focus. A mistake on my part. I won’t let it happen again._ ’

‘ _Good, I didn’t expect anything less. However to answer your question, yes I have pinpointed our location. We are currently in the 11th District. The manor itself lies on the outskirts of the bordering town, hidden within an immense forest._ ’

**‘Alright then, let’s bust outta here an’ make a run fer it. I hate the feeling of being watched. I know you’ve noticed them too Aibou, they’ve been watching us since ya woke up. I say we slaughter them and leave, ya know we can.’**

‘ _Silence hollow. You know we can do no such thing. As we’ve seen earlier, Kaien cares about his men dearly, we would break the man’s trust, therefore, breaking ties with someone who could bring us connections to the Seireitei. He is still useful to us. Once he’s fulfilled his purpose of getting us into the Seireitei without suspicion, however, I wouldn’t be opposed to putting down those too intrusive for their own good._ ’

‘ _Stop, both of you. We aren’t going to kill anyone who isn’t directly in our way. We promised that we would spare the innocents and unfortunately, that includes those who don’t know better than to spy on an assassin._ ’

Speaking of, Ichigo thought it was time to finally address the stalker. 

“You know, usually it’s rude to stalk people but I know you have a reason for it. So just say what you need to say and get it over with. I despise hesitance.”

Kaien then sighed and revealed himself from behind another nearby tree. 

“Sorry, I just thought you wanted some space for a bit. I did want to talk to you though so I stayed nearby.” 

Making his way over, the Shiba flopped down beside the wary stranger. Deciding to throw caution to the wind, the fukutaicho spoke.

“I know that those two can act like children sometimes but they do it with no real malice. They’ve had a rivalry against each other for decades, they told me it started around my mother’s rise to power which I can tell you was _way_ back. 

No one even remembers why they started fighting in the first place. At this point, it’s just their normal way of greeting each other. In fact, no one besides the two has a problem working with each other. The rest of the Stewards and Handmaidens actually get along well. 

The feud has been going on for so long that they don’t hold it against one another anymore. Kiyooka-chan and Toudou-san still find ways to involve everyone else though. Not that anyone minds anymore, per se. It can just be annoying sometimes.

To be frank, if they suddenly started holding hands and singing Kumbaya everyone would know the world was finally ending. All I’m trying to say is to please not hold it against them. At the heart of it, they mean no real harm. It’s just their way of talking to one another. 

I apologize on their behalf though, I can tell you were offended by the action earlier. Which brings me to ask, that thing you said earlier, _‘They can be gone in the blink of an eye and it’s an insult to those who have none.’_ Do you really have no friends nor family?” 

As soon as the ravenette said it, he regretted it. The trident-wielder saw the agony that flickered in his eyes and the suffocating grief pulsating through the boy’s reiatsu. Or at least the wisps of it he felt. The boy was extremely good at hiding his reiatsu.

Then after the split second the shinigami closed up, his reiatsu was lowered significantly and his posture went rigid. Kaien couldn’t bear to look him straight in the eyes anymore either. Those utterly blank dead eyes gave him more chills than the Soutaicho’s attention. 

“I’m so sorry, that was terribly ru-” 

“It’s fine.”, the dual-wielder interrupted void of all emotion, “And to answer your question, no I don’t. I lost them and the right to have them a long time ago. Now if you could excuse me, I fear I must retire to my room. I’m still healing after all. Enjoy the rest of your evening Shiba-dono.” 

His maybe-cousin then stood up and shunpoed back to the manor before Kaien could stop him. Not looking back even once. 

Kaien sighed and sank back onto the ground, head falling against the tree. He decided to talk to Nejibana about his troubles and try to get a solution out of her. To his chagrin, she could be extremely cryptic with her advice. 

Relaxing his body, the Shiba easily slipped into Jinzen. Once he had disconnected from the outside world, he landed in his inner one. 

The mindscape was of a thriving garden, even rivaling Okasan’s own. The difference, however, was the environment. The greenery was covering the seafloor of a never-ending ocean. 

He sat there in comfortable silence, waiting for the zanpakuto to reveal herself from the depths of the forest surrounding them. 

“I really screwed up this time didn’t I Nejibana.” 

He turned to his approaching inner spirit. Nejibana was one of the few things that he cherished as much as his family. He loved his Taicho and division, but he wouldn’t put them above his zanpakuto and siblings. Although it was a close tie.

The zanpakuto spirit was one of the many things he prided himself on. She wore clothes that looked straight out of the Medieval Ages in their history books. Imperial blue flashed in his peripheral as her cape billowed behind her, swaying with her every movement. 

On her exposed right arm, sea green scales trailed upwards but faded around her upper arm where tuffs of midnight blue peeked from under her sleeve. Reminiscent to the tuff of fur on his trident.

Her dress could easily be mistaken as just a formal gown with its long tresses and golden accents but he knew that the ensemble was deceiving. The long strands that flowed from the back of her dress could easily be used to immobilize an opponent in the blink of an eye. 

Kaien learned that lesson multiple times when battling the zanpakuto. If anything he’d liken her to a warrior queen who enjoyed using both wit and weapons to crush an opponent. 

He pitied those who faced her in battle, she would lure them in only to devour them whole. It really is no wonder that she was called the Twisted Flower. 

Underneath her waterlily flower crown (which hid the thorns connecting them), light blonde hair escaped and followed her every movement. A smirk played upon her face but the Shiba could see the disappointment in her aquamarine eyes and it hurt. He understood why though, there is nothing that Nejibana hates more than hurting the innocent.

He refocused on the matter at hand when she began to speak. 

“ **Oh no surely not Kaien, I thought that it was a spectacular performance. Apologizing and having a heartfelt conversation that was starting to put him at ease. Then asking your guest an extremely personal and rude question.** ”

Her voice reminded him of the stillness of the sea, calm and patient but it didn’t mean she had the seriousness of one. He had forgotten how sarcastic she could be sometimes.

“ **If you were trying to get him to** ** _not_** **trust you Kaien, you did an amazing job. Being kind to him and forming a small bond with him to only destroy the whole relationship, in one sentence no less, is truly an awe-inspiring feat.**”

“Ugh, I get it Nejibana, I’m a total loser and I’ve destroyed what little bond I had with Ichigo, to begin with. I screwed up and I fully own up to that but could you please stop with the sarcasm. I need your help if I am to atone for my mistake. Really for such an imposing zanpakuto, you act so childishly sometimes.”

“ **Hmm, has anyone ever called you a hypocrite before because the word truly describes you. Along with others such as imbecile, thick-headed, moronic, ignorant, dim-witted, simpleton, thoughtless, dense, obtuse, insensitive, blundering, asinine, puerile, dunce, fatuous, troglodyte, retarded-** ”

“Nejibana.”

Though his voice was low, almost a whisper, it reverberated across the submerged garden as the water began to ripple. Nejibana snapped out of her train of thought and looked at her whielder. His hair covered his eyes so she couldn’t tell his expression but his humorless tone told her everything. 

She floated over to the man, calm expression never changing but her eyes softened when she tilted his head up to look at her. 

“ **For now, you must apologize. Grovel if need be, I don’t care about how you do so. Give him some space after and let him settle. Remember that to him, he is surrounded by strangers who can easily be enemies. Fight to change his perspective. Being kind and giving him all he wants isn’t going to cut it.** ’ 

She pushed back the bangs covering his eyes to see watery ones. Honestly, her whielder could act like nothing ever fazes him but in truth, he just does it to keep up pretenses. 

He only ever felt safe enough to cry in front of her which she was always endeared by. However, he could be such a crybaby sometimes. Really, he was a grown man but still came to her for every little thing. Even so, she wouldn’t trade him for anything. 

‘ **He needs someone to lean on, someone to hold him up and accept him for who he is. Not a polite host. So endeavor to be that person. Over time the boy will accept his new reality, settling into his surroundings. However, he’ll never get to that point if you keep on following him. You would be uncomfortable as well if someone was constantly watching you. Now then, to address something long overdue.** ” 

The zanpakuto stepped back and grabbed her sheathed sword, grinning with a devious spark in her eyes. As if reading her mind, Kaien did the same, smirking. A split second later the clangs of metal against metal echoed across the landscape. Two images flickering from one place to another. 

Nejibana always knew what to say, a skill Kaien wished he had as well. He then shook the thoughts aside. Focusing back to the spar, the shinigami finally relaxed. Funny how he really only did that when he was with family or fighting for his life. 

He just chalked it up to another Shiba quirk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So if anyone is confused about what Nejibana's dress looks like, think of a mix of Daenerys' dresses in season 4 (the cloaked blue one and the long silver/white one) and Suicune's color scheme & tail tresses coming from her back. 
> 
> Thank you for taking the time to read my fic.

**Author's Note:**

> The most formal honorific suffix is -sama, and it’s used for God (kami-sama) and royalty (ohime-sama).  
> The most common formal honorific is -san, and it translates (approximately) to Ms. and Mr.  
> Chan is an endearing female honorific. While it’s most commonly used for children, it’s also used fairly widely among family and friends. You can also use –chan for males; one of my second cousins, Tatsumi, has always been Tat-chan instead of Tat-kun, probably because it just sounds better.  
> This is the male equivalent of –chan; it’s used for kids and between peers and friends.  
> Sensei: Used for teachers  
> Senpai: Used to refer to upperclassmen in school or a sports club.  
> Okaasan means mother, Oto-san means father, Oba-san means grandmother or aunt, Oji-san means grandfather or uncle, Onii-san/Nii-san means older brother and One-san/Ne-san means older sister.  
> To say mother informally is Ka-chan or Ka-san, saying father informally is To-san. Grandmother is Oba-chan and grandfather is Oji-chan. All other names are still the same informally.  
> Taicho means captain and Soutaicho means Captain Commander.  
> Aibou means king.  
> Ossan means Old Man.  
> Getaboshi means Hat-and-Clogs.
> 
> Thank you for reading this far!  
> 


End file.
